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Too Troublesome...
Why was she beautiful
She went unnoticed
For a few years
Her eyes grew dark and heavy
As her hair grew longer
Her skin grew bronzed
Almost seemingly impossible
But it happened
And it was noticed
And guy after guy came
Ringing at her door
Slipping her notes
When she was new
She fell so easily
The numbers grew higher
While one by one each guy disappears
After the bronze was touched
The flower of her hope
Wilting in her Winter
But she caught
And with each passing day she grew colder
In an attempt to regrow her flower
But  it wouldn't
And how could it?
Sadness grew
As did her reach to the rope
She threw it hard over the support beam
And fell
Her bronze switched to blue then to pale
But in that sea of blue
The sunset bring the purple into the blue
But rises immediately to it's highest point
Washing into pale white
As blood rushes to the hands
The ones that grabbed a man so softly
Filled with cranberry
Flooding, over-flowing
Still flooding
She was so beautiful

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I just don't know what to think anymore; what to feel anyway. For the longest time I just stared at this blank canvas wondering what I would write. What would come out? Does everyone over examine themselves? I don't even know what to write. If I could just reset life. I don't like where I am. My mom does nothing but drink. Drinking leads to a few other things I don't wanna talk about. Why? Why did she tell me she won't quit what makes her happy? Why can't I make you happy mom? Why'd you trade me out? Dad, please, don't die. I need you. I need your silence. Your stone-faced approach. To anyone else you'd appear cold, heartless, or a fool for staying with mom. But I know your heart because your heart is mine. You knew you loved her so you never left. And no matter how hard she struggled, you never let her get out of your grasp. And for whatever her reasons were, she stayed. At least for a little while. I'm not sure how much longer either of you will be around. With time against you, father; and bad habits against you, mother. Can either of you win? Or at least hold on long enough to help me make it. Long enough for me to find my heart. Because right now I'm in a shell. A shell harder than anything I've ever came across. I know this because I can't break out. As strong as I've made myself physically, I should've been doing it emotionally. The shell won't break. I'm forced to watch my life from the 3rd person. Cathy, you were mine. But I drove you away. I couldn't even give in to the person I'm in love with. How'd you stay with mom, dad? I tried my hardest for Cathy. She got pregnant, I stayed. She screamed her hatred for me, I stayed. She gave up on me, but I still stayed. So why didn't it work out? Why didn't I give in to her when I had the chance. Now that chance may never come again. Maybe I'd be prepared if I never hurt Tara. We could've went on for a long time, but I was stupid and young. Caught in the desire to see her and the desire to hold anyone. But now our feelings have changed, and for the better. No one deserves this shamble of emotions. Janae, run away from me. You don't love me. You don't want to. You know me Janae. You are me. It should stay that way, nothing more. I don't wanna hurt you. I don't want to hurt us. You're my best friend. Jacob, Tre, Sydney. If only you three knew. If only I could tell you without alarming you. Miranda, my sister, my blood. I'm sorry. I've let our connection fall to pieces. I'm glad there's still something there though. Sis, I wanna know you. I want to know who you are now, but you'd hate what I've become. what I currently am. One day I'll make it up to all of you by showing you all my heart. Until then, just don't let go. I miss the way it used to be. I miss Brittany and Tara chanting "Jesus Ranger." I miss Miranda calling everyday. She used to be the only reason i was on the phone. I wish I could bring that to now and mix it with kicking Sydney's ass, hangin' with Jacob, and calling Tre a "noob." Maybe its not my heart. Recently I've been trying to smooth out a new belief. No one believes in their brain. But I think maybe the brain is the strongest thing we have. Our brain throws caution to the wind and lets our hearts take control. Our brains dream the impossible. We control will with our brain. Maybe in order to see God, its more of a will power thing, instead of a being a good person, etc. I'm not sure. Not sure about anything. "Never truly satisfied. I am happy, that's just the saddest lie."
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Well, I'm pro. No doubt about that. I'm short for a guy. Muscular but I'm often mistaken for fat because of my chest. Intelligent. Athletic. Poor =D. I don't care for most things so if I give you the time of day, feel special. Knows alot of truely amazing people. My crew is the most pro crew either side of the Mississippi so if you wanna mess witht them, you gotta mess with me. ROTC is amazing and over 9,000 times better than theatre(queerater). I'm in the class of X (seniors! Pro game all day). I'm no emo but I have a right to be. Life has been pretty rough but if I can make it, so can you. I love brains. Not head but brains like, the thing thats in it. The way the mind works is intresting. WAITING ON CATHY TO COME BACK. But yeah, thats about it.
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So much anger and hate
All I have on my plate as of late
So much rage I could spill on this page
Buts its twisted
Its fucked up the
the way things have gone up
And gone down and stayed there
I'd yank out all my hair
And all I want is for someone to try
Or to cry
By my side
But thats too much to ask for
You exit my life
Not once but twice
And expect me to smile and act extra nice
When I thrice just want you to die
At that time
You just make me so angry
Will someone try to understand
Just someone please get me
Instead of laughing it up
All against me
You cowards you bastards
This pure disaster
You call it a friendship you call it your love
I'd rather be dead than to call you my friend
Or have to hear your old bullshit again
You tell me you miss me but then you forget me
And don't get this twisted
My message you missed it
I'm not being emo
Just all of things things you
Don't get how it hurts me
You say that its crude and say its not worthy
Of all this attention
Its just tension it'll pass
Oh really? Or will you not mention
That it ever happened
And hell yeah I'm snappin' I'm tired of smilin' and laughin'
To your decrative bullshit
So forget it
You win and I'm done
I'm done with resistance

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I made it
But it still feels like a dream
To imagine that I could make it this far
From the emo rhymes to the well tuned cars
That drive through the place where I took my first steps and struggles
In the place where I bleed as I attempted to cuddle
My hopes and dreams for a better tomorrow
But sorrow
Was on my tail like hell
And for the longest I thought I'd be wearing this veil
To hide my face and hold back lies
About tears and fights and deaths and my
Own personal life you see
from my number one fan to my number two freak
To my number three place to my fourth show special
And so on and so forth
To think that I scorthched the ground from asunder
And alot like a viking I came and I plundered
all the things that stood in my path
And things of evil were trampled and smashed
And to all of the fans that held me down
From the grades as I clowned to the games on playgrounds
I waited in class for the bell to ring but from where I am now that bell is the thing
That I hope to never hear one last time because this time is mine so I can be done with this rhyme
Once the story is done and my path has grown cold and all that is left is my story thats told
To the young and the strong the wise and the bold
A sister, some friends, and a lady at home
As my dad before me, a warrior I am
To my mother as well, a fighter I am
To my aunt who was brave
To my uncle whose tall
To my heart it all blends and no more shall I fall
And soon I'll take hat final walk and recieve that paper
I made it...
I made it..
I made it.
And yet, theres still so much left to do
Like Sonic or Mario my adventures never through
And I can keep up this plot until my fingers break
But for our sake
I guess since I made it I can take a little
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Where to start?
Its been 15 weeks since I last dropped a line
And 15 weeks I'll show in these rhymes
No sugar, no polish, to make it all softy
But straight up and raw, thats dirty and salty
I thought I had the greatest and I got even better
The one from before couldn't handle the weather
But this one, this one knows the full forcast
Now far be it from be to put her out on blast
She amazing and pretty and too damn smart
Shes lovely and crazy and just the right tart
To give me that kick to help me keep breathing
With her underwater I could grow gills
And with tipped over milk shes Bounty with spills
Now the old one, mmm, nothin' alike
She was Paris and Ashley but never in her right
We went back and forth so I grew Balls Of Fury
So I left her ass hangin' like Palestinian jury duty
But this one, mmm, words can't describe
How my body feels when hers was next to mine
So every night i hold that pillow like it was her
The blender was on mix but she slid to stir
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So much beauty goes unseen
We destroy it all with things so obsense
Even your enemy can be your best friend
Even if you always fight, atleast you'll fight 'em to the end
Everyone pains from the hands they are delt
Two fingers and a tear for the pain that you felt
America, Asia, hell its all in a bunch
Don't believe the media, we're just another Brady Bunch
We build our mansions, run low on cardboard
Hoping and praying that we get our reward
Paying and slaving and we'll pray everyday
Some lose track and try to find another way
And so many voice still go unheard
But all these false prophets get every single word
Most of just got our heads stuck up our ass
Hell, even if it was wasn't we'd try to find it real fast
And even us simple can't see past our own nose
Because we're meek, humble, kissin' other peoples toes
Lookin' the sky and expect satisfaction
When we dont get what we want its like a chemical reaction
Their actions
They are the sheeps that go so astray
They'd rather hate God for the rest of their days
Than thank and praise and me happy for what they got
Hell, you got what you got, even if its not alot
Here we are now, thinkin' of our last stand
Now is our time, forget the old "man"
Our God, we face, out time has come
We've came to the heavens and finally left the slumes...
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Fights that keep going on into the night
Fights that just might egnite
My rage
My rage that turns back and forth
Like a page
Just as close to me as wedding bells
About as unavoidable as new mail
In the Inbox
Just like the rhymes
Part of the time I'm sick in the mind
Arent you?
Arent we all
Waiting for the illusion we live in to fall
Waiting for reality to break these
Artificial walls
No more malls
Booty calls
No more texts with "lawl"
What about friends?
When your bestie is gone
No more fights to the end
And you're stuck at square 1
Oh no, not yet
I forgot the pressure
It builds and builds with each passing lecture
A new layers added with a whole new texture
The universe
The planet, the continent, the sate, the city, the street, the house
Where it all began
Hopefully where it ends

(Sicks ramblings)
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What can I say to make it like it was?
What can I do to feel another hug?
All i want is you in my life
For us to have some kids
For you to be my wife
Just once I wouldnt mind
Being able to have your time
You are my PYT
So why do me
like this
I swear I'll chase you through the mist
of the night
And I'd do anything to amke it right
Before I hit the tunnel filled with light

I'd like to think that was pretty good for somethin' i did off the top of my head.

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I'd like to start by saying I'm filled with fury
Like a man convicted at the sway of a jury
Brings me to question am I losing my passion
Have I lost my flair, my grace, my fashion
Almost like what I love is no longer existent
And from all your hate, I set my resistance
So hard to watch destruction from the sidelines
And our verbal bullets will fly at prime time
Despite how I try, I just cant relax
Especially when you carry a world on your back
And I look for a way to escape my pain
But it surrounds me now like the pouring rain
And the glory and fame is assured 'cause I'm Nance
But all I really want is a second chance
To return and make it so I dont feel like this
Change it so maybe I could get that kiss
And my nightmares would then change into dreams
And the horror would surely rip at the schemes
And with this crash of this hurtful wall
I would die in joy and there meet my fall
And the song would make sense, I would go the distance
No longer in need of assistance
I could get the girl I've always dreamed of and finish my days
But until then
"Fuck it"
Will be the phrase that pays

Current Mood: apathetic apathetic
Current Music: Everything We Had, Everything I Am

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